Thursday, August 16, 2018

The Drama of Avoiding Drama


Have you ever noticed that the people who post memes or graphics or sayings declaring how much they loathe drama are usually the same people who five minutes before posted or participated in social media drama?

It’s a cry for attention by screaming, “I’m good, I don’t need attention… now please notice me.” It’s being dramatic about the dramatic.

It’s easy for us to pass judgement on people who always stir the pot. Or the people who have the felt need to constantly remind us of how much they have been hurt. Or the people who embrace the role of one who “tells it like it is.”

And if we allow from some introspection, we can all see traces of those behaviors in our own lives. No one here is without the sin of self-centeredness. But what can we do about it? Is it possible to disdain drama without having to yell from the rooftops how much we don’t engage in it?

I think there are 3 basics to help here:
  1. Recognize that all us are broken and seeking a good feeling. For some of us, that feeling comes from the attention others lavish on us. Maybe we were an only child and became used to being the center of attention. Maybe we experienced some deep tragedy and felt comforted by the outpouring of sympathy and love. It’s addictive, isn’t it? After everyone else moves on, you’re still there, still longing to have that feeling of love and importance again.

    So you post the status about how broken you feel. You share the picture of happier times, not as a reminder of the good days, but as a reminder to others that you are not ok. Look, it’s a good thing to reach out to others when we’re feeling down. It’s important to have a support system we can rely on when we feel sad, depressed, or unimportant. But if we’re not careful, it can become a vicious cycle of needing the constant attention or approval of others. Not only is that being extremely manipulative, but it also leads only to more pain for us.

  2. Just because something is true does not mean it needs to be said. Yes, Billy Bob has been married 7 times and it looks like the current fling isn’t working out… So Billy Bob posts on social media that women are jerks. It’s likely that after 7 times, the problem is Billy Bob. Billy Bob is probably in need of a reality check and some counseling. We all need counseling, but I digress. Here’s the bottom line: unless you have a certain relationship with Billy Bob (pastor, coach, teacher, parent, sibling, best friend) it’s probably not your place to get on the soap box. Even if it is your place and you fall into one of those relational categories, it’s best done alone, in private, on the phone or in person.  Just because FB and Twitter are quicker doesn’t make it better. 

    Side Note:
    Has anyone ever witnessed LinkedIn drama? Just curious...

    You and I are not the appointed sole defenders of truth. And just because it’s true doesn’t mean it needs to be said. Bertha may be a big mouth, but you don’t need to tell her that. Everyone knows Bertha runs her jowls. You pointing that out just makes you complicit.

    I get it. I really do. Sometimes on social media or even in person, I really, really, REALLY, [read: intense desire] to correct someone or shed some truth on a certain scenario. But it’s not always helpful. If people keep stirring the pot, eventually its going to slop onto someone and I don’t want that person to be me.

  3. The best way to avoid drama is to simply avoid it. Just don’t participate. Don’t highlight it, don’t screenshot it, don’t passive-aggressively “like” comments from what you view as the winning or correct side. Just avoid it.
    You say, “But Adam, someone is shaming my friend!” Ok, well, don’t sink down to their level. Highlight a positive attribute of your friend. Better yet, call them or text them (who calls anyone these days?) and remind them that you love them and have their back. That means so much more than any pithy reply on Facebook.

    The moment you share the post about how you don’t need drama, you’re creating drama, albeit minute drama. Just be an adult and scroll past.


Disclaimers: I know that by writing a post critical of people who write posts about drama, I am in some small way contributing to the problem. For that I apologize. It’s my hope that this post will encourage critical thinking and just might help you better understand those whom we love but tend to stir the proverbial pot. Also, maybe this will help you avoid being one of those stirrers.

Additionally, I recognize I am guilty of posting on social media that which is not always helpful and uplifting. I really am trying to not correct error or lies as I see them spread through the social media sphere. It’s hard to keep your thumbs quiet. As a leader, sometimes I feel a duty to correct a falsehood that can impact people I lead, especially when it comes to matters of faith. And so I will from time to time engage on social media in a dispute. But I recognize Twitter wars and FB fights are never won, so I simply try to offer those whom I can influence an alternative view. All that said, what I teach people each day and every Sunday when I preach is more effective than the occasional Social Media Sermon

Hey, I hope this post has helped you. If it has, please leave feedback, comment, or reach out to me directly as pastor.adamwill@gmail.com